A pedophile was walking in the woods with a little kid. The little kid goes "I'm scared , Mister". And the pedophile says , "You're scared?! I have to walk back all alone!"
OK that wasn't funny...was it?
Oh Christ….like a scene from the Exorcist……
“Marc, I peed” she says quietly….
“Um, yeah I heard” I reply.
Eva, being recently out of diapers (a little late in the game I think), apparently hasn’t quite mastered the concept of “holding it in”. So, off the couch I jump and trying to be nonchalant about the whole thing, as if a person peeing in my foyer is a daily occurrence, I rush into the bathroom for a towel followed by the youngster who is now holding her dress above her waist to reveal a distinct ABSENSE OF UNDERWEAR!!!!!
“Put that down” I almost scream as I quickly scan the sightlines from any and all windows in the room. “But it’s wet” she utters. At this point the ever-calm thinking CSG decides against the use of a towel, not wanting to leave any evidence, and races to the kitchen for the roll of extra absorbent paper towels again followed by the little girl still flaunting her wares like a pint-sized Paris Hilton.
Oh God….”seriously Eva, put your dress down” I plead
“Why?” she says
“Because I don’t want to go to prison”
So, as I proceed to wipe the pee from the foyer floor I once again hear knocking at the back door. Fearing the worst, I glance across the room this time to see Eva’s 6 year old brother Cody at the door. OK, CSG thinks, this is good, he can take Eva the hell outta here…..
“Cody, your sister had an accident, you need to take her home”
“What happened?”
At this point Eva again raises her dress and announces “I peed”
Both Cody and I flinch at this site and he proceeds to ask me “Where are her underwear??”
****Lets take a second here to try and find a more disturbing question to be asked by a six year old kid in regards to his YOUNGER sister……anything……really anything…..me neither.****
“I don’t know Cody, just take her home, please”
“No really, do YOU have them????” he says!
Dear God…. I’m now expecting Chris Hansen from DATELINE NBC to walk into the kitchen with a camera crew.
Concerned not only by the question but by the accusatory toned in which it was posed, CSG furiously searches the kitchen for a way out of this mess….
And there it is on the counter…COOKIES. And not the cheapos either, the good Jewel Bakery cookies, the double chocolate ones with the macadamia nuts that all naked kids love!!!
So, with cookie in one of her pee soaked hands and Cody’s in the other, on their way home they went…
Jesus, if only a single word of this were NOT true I’d feel a lot better.
